do you want to be in love? i did, maybe i still do. i wanted to be in love and let someone be my priority hoping i could be theirs, so i convinced myself that i was; he talked to me and he made me laugh, and although to him, more than anything i was just an option, the kind of secret thrill i got knowing that i am liked had me making so many excuses for being tossed aside carelessly. the process of being reeled in and thrown out can be addictive, it's bad for you but you keep doing it like lines of coke. i don't miss him, i miss the person i imagined he was. that is important because at least, right now, i'm not living in my self-spun deception; i think i could have cheated myself into loving someone i didn't forever. that sounds dangerous and i might do that again, but i'll be careful now.
(the plane touched down to a wet runway and i immediately wondered if i made the wrong choice coming here. i sure as hell hope not. i wish to make friends soon. i can't wait to go to class.)
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